The Physician / Patient Relationship

When faced with a sudden or chronic medical condition, finding the right physician is of utmost importance. Of course, we all want someone who has a high degree of expertise and experience in treating a particular condition. However, beyond technical competence, a critical factor in your recovery is the quality of the relationship between you and your doctor.

The recent book, Healers: Extraordinary Clinicians at Work by David Schenck and Larry R. Churchill, illustrates how the interpersonal skills of a physician can impact the healing process. Small things like direct eye contact, a smile, acknowledgement of the family members in the room, a gentle touch on the arm, and simply listening can help ease a patient’s anxiety and establish a level of trust and respect.

When the physician and patient work in partnership, the healing and recovery process is enhanced. But what does this partnership look like? It is not the physician acting as the omniscient expert and the patient being quietly compliant. The relationship is one of mutual respect, open communication, and inclusive decision-making.

Forty years ago, my husband was a freshman in dental school in classes along with the freshman medical students. To this day, he still recalls the words of a wise professor: “If you listen to the patients, they will tell you what’s wrong with them.” How many health care practitioners really take the time to ask questions and listen to a patient’s problems? In their defense, doctors are busy and have lots of people to see. They don’t have much time to listen to a patient’s entire life history with all of their complaints and accompanying ‘noise.’ And the health care system does not reward physicians for spending a great deal of time with each patient.

But these interpersonal skills do not necessarily take a great deal of time. A few reassuring comments such as: “I’ll be with you when you come out of surgery,” or “Here’s my cell phone #. Call me if you have any questions when you get home,” can mean a lot to a patient and help alleviate the loneliness of facing a health crisis alone.

‘Being present’ with a patient and truly caring about his/her whole well-being is unfortunately a unique quality. While many medical schools are excellent at providing technically proficient doctors, I am not aware of any that provide training in emotional intelligence or how to show compassion and empathy.

Ultimately, you, the patient, are responsible for you own health and well-being which includes learning as much as possible about your condition and changing poor lifestyle behaviors that may be contributing to the problem. It’s important for both you and your doctor to discuss alternative treatment plans and medications and decide together what treatment would be best for you. You should not be afraid to ask questions about anything that you do not understand. If the doctor makes you feel stupid or dismisses your concerns, that’s a good sign that you may need to look for someone else.

I have been blessed with some excellent physicians over the years, and I have remained loyal to them. Not only were they smart and technically competent, but they cared about me as a human being. These physicians are worth their weight in gold!

There are truly compassionate health care practitioners out there. To help you heal and get well, you need to find them. For your own sake and for the ones you love, don’t settle for less.