Holding On and Letting Go

Maybe it’s just the spring cleaning bug or perhaps I’ve reached the frustration point with the accumulation of useless ‘stuff’ in my house, but I’ve been on a de-cluttering mission lately. There are a variety of items that I have held onto because I might need them someday, but I’ve realized that they are not worth keeping any more:

• the perfectly good pants in the closet that I haven’t worn in years because I might fit into them again someday;
• the income tax returns—including all supporting documentation—from the 90’s that I’ve kept because I might get audited;
• the books stacked on my night stand that I hope to read someday when I’m on vacation but never quite get around to; and
• the kids’ school art projects and book reports that we were once so proud of, even though our ‘kids’ are now 29 and 32 years old.

So why have I been holding onto this ‘stuff’ knowing that someday will never come? What illusions or ‘stories’ do I tell myself about the future that I am unable or unwilling to let go of? Do I keep this stuff out of nostalgia for the good ‘ole days or is it, perhaps, wishful thinking that my future will be so much different than it is today? When I am honest with myself and admit that I will never wear those clothes again, I can freely make a donation to someone who could truly use them. Or when I finally reassure myself that those old tax documents are well past the legal time period of being audited, I can freely shred all that paper and purge my over-stuffed files.

However, beyond the material things in our closets, offices, and garages, what other ‘stuff’ do we hold onto that no longer serves us and clutters our lives? Is it anger we feel towards our parents or siblings for an injustice that occurred decades ago? Is it resentment towards the boss who overlooked us for promotion and rewarded someone else instead? Is it annoyance with the neighbor who has shown a lack of consideration for our property?

Just as the clutter in our house gradually builds and irritates us to the point of frustration, so too does the bitterness and resentment towards others eat away at our well-being. Until we let go of the thoughts and feelings about past events that clutter our minds and our hearts, we cannot feel the sense of calmness and peace that we seek.

I often talk to folks who want to better manage their stress, improve their relationships, and feel physically healthier in their lives. Often, we uncover the ‘stories’ they are holding onto that are cluttering their lives and no longer serve any useful purpose. By letting go of the need to always meet others’ expectations, to always be right, or to change someone else to act or think the same way as us, we can finally free ourselves to discover inner peace and happiness.

But letting go isn’t easy. Just like shredding old files in our office, we can learn to destroy the old tapes that play in our heads. We can learn to focus on what’s really important and create new, more positive thoughts that will bring greater health and well-being to our lives.