Balancing Work and Family

Like many young women coming of age during the late 60’s and early 70’s, I embraced the messages of the feminist movement:

• Empowered, well-educated women could have families as well as successful careers.
• Enlightened husbands would be partners in the raising of the children and household chores, and support their wives’ career choices.
• High-achieving, competent women could climb the corporate ladder, find the man of their dreams, have children, and effectively juggle all of the accompanying responsibilities.

The reality for many executive women has turned out to be a quite different scenario as discussed in Anne-Marie Slaughter’s article in the July/August 2012 issue of the Atlantic magazine called “Why Women Still Can’t Have It All.” She highlights the inner conflict that many high-level, professional women face in trying to meet the competing demands of their jobs and their families. Slaughter outlines the need for more family-friendly policies in the workplace to help working mothers balance their career and personal demands.

The most recent statistics from Catalyst show that only 14% of executive officer positions in the U.S. and only 16% of Fortune 500 board seats are held by women, even though women represent almost half of the workforce. While some companies have certainly implemented more flexible work arrangements, many corporate cultures still expect long days of face time in the office, extensive travel, required evening events, and 24/7 connection to the office. The inherent messages about what’s expected to be successful, force many working women to opt out of their careers in order to devote more time to their families. While many companies tout family values and are supportive when personal crises occur, the reality is that women often have to put their career aspirations on hold and/or risk being perceived as less committed, if they leave the office at 5:30 or 6:00 p.m. to have dinner with their families.

Of course, many will argue that men have the same work/family balance issues and that executive women at least make enough money to hire full-time child care. If these women have a supportive husband, they may be able to choose another career path. But the studies have shown that even with supportive spouses, women bear the primary burden of responsibility for their family’s well-being. Moreover, many working mothers don’t have the choice to be a stay-at-home mom. They have to stay employed, show up to the office on time every day, and save their precious time off for doctor visits, school functions, etc.

So given the corporate culture and day-to-day realities, how can you achieve a better balance in your life? There’s no magic bullet, but here are some suggestions:

• Focus on what’s truly important in your life. We all make choices throughout our lives, and these choices are based on what you truly value. If you value spending more quality time with your children, then let some of the other household chores go if you can, and spend whatever discretionary time you have reading, playing, and talking with your kids.
• Be creative in looking for other resources to help. Can anyone else assist with time-consuming tasks? Is there someone at work who could assume some of your responsibilities and might even welcome the opportunity to learn something new? Are there other friends, neighbors, or family members who could take on some of the daily household tasks—cooking, grocery shopping, laundry, cleaning, transportation for the kids, etc.?
• Ask for what you need at work. Can you negotiate a more flexible work arrangement, ask for remote access to the company’s information system, or request a bit more time to complete a deadline? If you are flexible, realistic, and accommodating, a reasonable request can often be granted.
• Plan for the week ahead and share the plan with the family. Set aside times for doctor appointments, meals, homework, recreational activities, etc. The plan can be adapted if unexpected events occur.
• Make time for yourself. If you need to sleep, go for a 20-minute walk, or just sit and breathe, take the time to care for your health. You can’t be productive to your family or to your work, if you don’t feel well.
• Know that you have much to be thankful for. The old adage, “if everyone laid out their problems on the table, you’d take your own back” is probably true for most of us.

No matter how stressful our work and family situation may seem, remember we do have choices. We can choose to be upset. We can choose to berate the boss for not being more sympathetic or compassionate. Or we can choose to be more proactive in creating the kind of life that we want. Balancing work and family demands is an ongoing series of choices. Sometimes we have more choices than we think.